Home 2017 Standing in a Queue

Standing in a Queue

written by Grumblebee June 15, 2017

Standing Guide

Thanks to our soldiers, who are dying on our borders, and to one man who works 26 hours a day without sleeping, you have been pampered and have adopted a sedentary lifestyle. You think you should be able walk into an ATM and walk out with your money in a manner of minutes.

Well, times, they are-a-changin’ and as somebody who knows a thing or two about doing totally unnecessary things for hours on end, I thought I should use my experience and pen a guide to Endurance Cashathons, and successfully Standing them.

Thank me later.

Training Plan

Don’t think you can get up one day and stand in a cashathon. This isn’t a demonetization, you need to plan and prepare.

Find a line, and stand in it. Any line will do. Could be one at a railway station, on the road by the side of an accident, or at the neighbourhood hooch shop on the eve of a dry-day

Start with a 10-15 minute stand. Typically you should increase your stand time 10% at each attempt, and then taper down 30% on the fourth attempt.

Repeat this until you are within 60-70% of your target stand time. So if Stand times at your local bank are about 150 mins, you should peak at 100-110 mins, and then taper slowly before D-day. Remember to stay injury free.

Be at the bank as early as possible. 4 am is ideal. The closer your corral is to the bank door, the sooner you’ll finish.

Wear comfortable shoes. They need time to break in; don’t use brand new shoes on Stand-day.

 Pro-tip : Doing a training Stand on a treadmill is not recommended. But you can use it for a session if you can’t find a queue. You can replace the mid-week session with cross-training by sitting on an exercycle at your gym, or standing asymmetrically motionless on an elliptical.

Diet

Forget gluten free, fat free, carb free – you need a diet that slows down your metabolism. Load up on rice, fats, rossogullas, and gulab jamuns. Jalebis and Rabdi? Bring it on.

Beer and Burgers? Of course, and don’t forget the fries and strawberry milkshake.

However don’t try anything new on the previous day. Remember, you have to Stand. Any new diet can cause runs, and you don’t want to run.

Stand-Day

You can have lots of idlis, medu vadas, and sweet rose milk just before the stand. Anything that’ll help you settle in for the long Stand.

Don’t wear new clothing on Stand-day. In fact nothing new on stand day.

Layout all your GU gels, your hydration packs. Take a picture and upload on Facebook.

Be at the bank as early as possible. 4 am is ideal. The closer your corral is to the bank door, the sooner you’ll finish.

Don’t forget to collect your token number. Upload it on FB and send to friends via WhatsApp, We can track your progress on the app.

If you expect it to be cold initially, wear layers; you can throw them off later. The bank will probably have a tie-up with a charity that’ll donate the discarded clothes to the needy. Carry a hat.

Don’t forget to hydrate every 15-20 mins. I personally don’t recommend salt sticks, but if you are used to them, more power to you.

People will cramp, peel off, faint, and even die; you don’t want to let your nation down like ‘em.

If this is your first Stand, don’t get carried away in the beginning. Don’t wave to people on the street. Stay loose and relaxed. Remember, the Stand will be decided in the second half. Conserve your energy, so you have plenty in reserve for the last quarter. People will cramp, peel off, faint, and even die; you don’t want to let your nation down like ‘em.

Pro-Tip: I highly recommend the stand-sit strategy. You can start with 2 min Stands and 2 min Sits, and gradually increase the Stand times.

Pro-Tip: Do NOT Run. Because once you run, you will not be able to regain your rhythm and Stand again.

Recce the route. Some banks have a flight of stairs, then a very steep 20-35 degree incline. If your bank has such obstacles, make sure you include up-hills in your training Stands.

Pro-Tip: You can have family and friends wait for you at strategic locations to carry nutrition and energy drinks.

Look out for official photographers, smile when you spot ‘em. The bank will cashlessly debit the cost from your account, or give you the difference.

Distances are deceptive. As you get close to the finish line expect delays. Stand the first half slow. Negative splits are difficult, but not impossible.

Remember, Pain is temporary. Glory is permanent. Look around you. Shout Bharat-mata ki jai. The occasion and your fellow Standers will see you through.

Hitting The Wall

Every Stander, however experienced, hits the wall. It may be boredom, frustration, or regret that you didn’t take the GREs and get the f*** out of here.

Pro-tip: Wear a helmet. Hitting-The-Wall can occur unexpectedly when you give in to an uncontrollable urge to relieve your stand-induced migraine by banging your head against the nearest wall. You may get severely injured before you realize it.

Remember, Pain is temporary. Glory is permanent. Look around you. Shout Bharat-mata ki jai. The occasion and your fellow Standers will see you through.

Finishing Strong

For the 20-30 minutes that you’ll be cursing yourself and the moron separating you and the counter, you’ll ask yourself why the f*** did you do this to yourself. You’ll be swearing, “Never-ever again!” But I guarantee you, that high when you walk out with one lovely pink note in each hand is addictive. In no time, you’ll be wondering “When can I do this again? Now that the SCM Casthathon is done, should I stand the ICICI bank cashathon, or should I stand the HDFC Bank cashathon?” ProTip: Wipe sweat off with the new notes. If it bleeds colour it’s not fake!

Post Finish

Remember to post picture on FB, and remark on how outstanding you feel. If you are a veteran, post whether it was a personal best and how many cashathons you’ve done before. Take a cold water shower, so you can wipe off all the fluids you exchanged with people making the Stand with you.

For the Comfortably Numb ones

If you haven’t maxed out your 24K quota for the week, you can circle back to the end of the line and start again. Remember this is not everybody’s cuppa tea. The brave bank employees are there till 8:00 pm. This is for your nation, and there is no motivation bigger than that.

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